I woke early to catch the sunrise as it cracked the horizon and then began a search for shells. The crashing of the waves and the foam left on the beach as it moved back for another rolling hit into the sand reflected the emotion inside, leaving me a little out of breath…my tears were a stain like the foam on the waters edge.
Feelings build and I am completely powerless to stop the surge galvanizing headlong toward me with an energy that I cannot fight.
Legs collapse as it connects, washing me toward a riptide. It is futile to struggle against its force. The first rule of the ocean flashes like lightning through the subconscious mind. “Never swim against the riptide. Just float, or go with it. “
There is still a dark unknown – will it carry me out to sea to disappear?
The thought briefly touches the far recesses of the brain where fear and pain dwell “simply give up and drown in the sorrow”
Deny the thought! Ban it from reality! Giving up is not an option.
Quell the panic and drift …
Until released…
A fierce willpower swells within to take control at the deepest level of survival to propel me forward through the barrier wave of emotions, casting me onto the shore to lie awashed in tears, emptied of thought-
Yet
Alive,
knowing it wasn’t my time to leave this earth.
God has thrown me back among the living,
the seaweed
and the broken shells on the beach
