Mary London Szpara: “Girls Who Wear Glasses…”

When I was really young, I remember the phrase “boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses”. That particular stupid rhyme scarred me for life. So much though, that in grade school when it came time for us to take our eye exam I, well, cheated.

Yes i admit it – I cheated. You see, The nuns would have each student sit In a particular seat designated to be the appropriate distance from the dreaded eye chart. Each exam was simple -reading the eye chart from top to bottom or as far as we can go. Of course the exam was done very methodically as we were in line for the test according to our last name…… Lucky for me my last name was halfway through the alphabet.

I was able to take the time to listen to each one that preceded me and I memorized the chart. By the time my name was called to sit in the designated chair, I was pretty confident that I would be okay. Without sweating I automatically ‘read’ the chart nearly down to the copyright line.

Yup I had that test nailed with flying colors and glasses would not be in my immediate future.

Teachers and parents seemed somewhat perplexed by my acing the eye exam chart. They didn’t ask how I did it and I didn’t offer an explanation. I did learn something new quickly thereafter to continue the deception, I realized if I put my elbows on the desk, my chin in my hands and let my fingers frame my face while using my fingers to stretch the corners of my eyes- my eyesight was improved i relied on that trick the remainder of the school year.

Sadly, it did not prevent me from eventually having to wear glasses, which was inevitable, as evidenced by a family portrait still hanging in my parents home. 10 of the eleven family members were sporting black frames. My young sister was merely two at the time, so it was not a unanimous….but even she would not be immune. Yes , I said 11 of us. Did I mention I came from a good catholic family? 7 boys, 2 girls, plus mom and dad.

Contacts were not an option financially, so the frames were budget minded.

In my high school years I finally found frames that nearly disappeared, the thin wire rimmed glasses…kinda John Lennon style.

For years, the only glasses I had to wear were sunglasses! I found plenty of options there and aviator styles always seem to fit the bill. (By the way, I have a basket full of sunglasses I purchased over the years. Purging this weekend…) although I do tend to lose them regularly. Thus the need for a basket of this size.

Recently, I found myself in search of glasses to combat blue light. I ordered a pair of Clark Kent style frames in a more neutral tone. They do the trick but are ugly and vanity will not permit me to wear them outside of my own personal space, (or a phone booth if it still existed).

Yes, I have digressed, yet we come full circle.