Joe Biden has been chasing women all his life. The lucky ones were able to run for it. The unlucky ones had to stand up on the stage while he kissed them, sniffed their hair, or groped them in front of their husbands and fathers. And they had to keep quiet so as not to ruin their chances in politics.
Shyness has never been one of Joe’s problems. He tracked down his current wife, a college senior, after he saw a modeling photo of her on a bus shelter. He became infamous for swimming nude in front of female secret service agents. But at 77, he has never needed women as much as he does now.
60% of the Democrat electorate is female. Many of them are black.
That’s why everyone who is anyone in politics is telling Biden to find a black woman. Or a woman. And back in the gloomy Bidenbunker in Wilmington where the crooked hack sits in his basement rec room, taping a confused podcast and rambling on CNN, there are entire binders full of women for Joe.
The media has been happy to play political dating service for the creepy guy in the basement.
“Joe Biden said he would pick a woman VP,” the Boston Globe’s op-ed section clamors. “Stacey Abrams should be that woman.”
“Why Joe Biden should pick one of these two black women as his vice president,” the Daily Beast belabors.
But then it gets confusing.
“Joe Biden vowed to pick a woman for vice president. Why not a Latina?” argues NBC News.
Why not a black Latina? Or a man? Wait, let’s not get crazy here.
“Warren: If Biden asked me to be VP, I would say yes,” quotes The Hill.
Senator Elizabeth Warren might try to pass herself off as Latino, but the mind quails at any attempt to remake Warren as a black woman. Some doors shouldn’t be opened. They should be welded shut.
Meanwhile somewhere a dozen female Senate Democrats are dancing around singing the Matchmaker song from Fiddler on the Roof. Except their only possible match is a creepy senile lecher. The dating pool is full of chlorine. The only thing standing next to Joe Biden gets you is six months of hair sniffing.
We might speculate about the virtues of some of Harvey Weinstein’s victims, but not Joe’s.
The DNC is looking for a strong, smart woman to stand next to Joe Biden and pretend to smile while he kisses the back of her neck, chews on her hair, and whispers, “Mommy, where am I?”
That seems like a waste of a strong, smart woman. And no actual smart, strong woman would do it.
The theory behind picking a woman or a black woman or someone who claims to be a woman is that the Democrat electorate wants someone on the ticket who looks like them. At least to a white man. But if that hypothetical electorate had really wanted a woman, there were a whole bunch running. If it had wanted a black woman, Senator Kamala Harris was in the race. And got nowhere with those voters.
Progressive pundits have spent the primary months struggling with a politically incorrect electorate that turned down all the women, black and white, to vote for a confused old man with capped teeth.
But the heart wants what it wants.
What people want and what they are supposed to want aren’t the same thing. Your average Democrat doesn’t want a strong, smart woman. He wants a confused elderly man who says, “Malarkey.”
If the DNC is going to be sensible about it, it should find another old creepy white political hack.
Chris Dodd, of Ted Kennedy waitress sandwich fame, is two years younger than Biden. Bill Weld, a former Republican, tried to run against President Trump in a campaign managed by his stepson. And really, the obvious answer is Bernie Sanders. Biden and Sanders are the two top Dem vote getters.
The two most popular Democrat candidates are two old white men who can’t finish a sentence.
It seems quite obvious what Democrat voters want, and it’s not a smart, strong black woman, or Elizabeth Warren trying to find a DNA test that will show she has an African ancestor, but old white men. If the DNC were to use some common sense, it would give its voting base what they clearly want.
But some Democrat desires are inappropriate and some lusts are just too politically incorrect.
Even if Democrats have made it very clear that the only strong women they want are named Joe and Bernie, that’s impossible to reconcile with the proud lefty commitment to identity politics. The Dem base may consist of black women who don’t seem to want a black woman, but they’ll get one anyway.
To be a Democrat is to know what’s good for other people even if they don’t want it. Democrat elections end with the party leadership dismissing what people want and replacing it with what they should want.
Who needs democracy to be a Democrat?
Democrats are supposed to be diverse. But the top three Democrat candidates came down to three old white people from New England. Democracy failed to produce diversity, so diversity has to be rigged.
It’s not about what Democrats really want, but the virtues whose desire they have to be seen signaling.
The Democrats are conflicted between who they really are and who they want to be. And who they really are is not a strong woman of color, but a sepulchral crooked hack. Sticking any one of the dozens of female Democrats auditioning to be sniffed during Biden’s concession speech won’t change that.
Democrats need women. Joe Biden needs women. But do women need Joe Biden?
Long ago, Joe tracked down a college senior whose photo he saw on a bus shelter ad (with an assist from his sleazy brother Frank who has made a career out of lucrative business opportunities based on his last name) and, when he isn’t sniffing her or chewing on her finger, is using Jill as a human shield.
Jill decided that she needed a sleazy guy nearly a decade older than her to get her through life.
And Democrats, from Elizabeth Warren to Stacey Abrams to Kamala Harris, are clamoring to be used by Joe and then use him in turn, at the cost of their feminism and their dignity. It wasn’t all that long ago that Kamala had been all but accusing Biden of perpetuating racial segregation. Now, like any common gold digger, she can’t wait for the opportunity to stand at his side and hope that he dies in office.
After all the talk about shattering glass ceilings and a new female century, the Democrat idea of a “strong” woman turns out to be Anna Nicole Smith.
You’ve come a long way, baby.
Whichever “strong” woman, Joe and his brain trust finally pick will wear a frozen smile, walk down the political aisle with him, and put up with being pawed by the senile lecher in the hope that he dies.
This is the brave new feminism that the DNC is offering its top female legislators.
“Strong” women like Warren, Abrams, and Harris are elbowing each other on the worst season of the Bachelor ever for the opportunity to collect a withered rose and a bony grope.