On a summer day in the UK, Mohiussunnath Chowdhury left his Luton home, took an anime sword that he had sharpened, typed “Windsor Castle” into his phone, and then followed the directions on the map.
“Tell everyone that I love them and that they should struggle against the enemies of Allah,” the aspiring Muslim terrorist had declared. “The Queen and her soldiers will all be in the hellfire.”
Instead of finding Queen Elizabeth II at the Windsor Castle, Mohiussunnath found that it was a pub offering “great real ales” and “fresh food”. The infidel phone had tried to divert the devout Muslim. Despite the Berkshire pub’s offerings of “grilled loin of pork” and Jägermeister, he didn’t attack it.
The Uber driver got back into his car, took along his anime sword, and this time made sure that the directions were pointing him to Buckingham Palace, not some sort of hellish booze palace. But the Queen wasn’t even there, the soldiers were on guard, and the police intercepted him outside the gates.
“It’s all a bit f____d up,” Mohiussunnath said, got out his anime sword, and shouted, “Allahu Akbar.”
The anime sword, unlike a real sword, had an enormous handle, which made it impractical to wield, and all too easy for the police to grab on to. The cops were able to wrestle it away from him even while he kept shouting, “Allahu Akbar”. Two cops suffered cuts before using tear gas to bring him to his knees.
Was it over? No, it was just getting started. The only thing more incompetent than Mohiussunnath was the British justice system which couldn’t convict a terrorist if he were attacking Buckingham Palace.
In March, Muslim terrorists had attacked the British Parliament. In May, the Manchester Arena had been bombed. In June, Islamic terrorists had attacked London Bridge. Mohiussunnath had done it in August. The pattern in 2017 was so obvious that it would take two juries to deliberately unsee it.
Sure, Mohiussunnath had used an ISIS avatar on his phone, sent ISIS material over the phone, especially about the Islamic terror group’s sex slaves, and had sent a farewell message telling his sister, “They are the enemies that Allah tells us to fight. Please make dua for me that Allah accepts my efforts.”
But, according to Mohiussunnath’s lawyer, he was just upset and had never wanted to harm the cops. Like nearly every other Islamic terrorist, he was just suffering from depression and feeling lonely.
But the jury couldn’t reach a verdict. So a second terror trial was convened for the terrorist. A fellow inmate suggested that he pretend to be moderate and play the game by shaving off his beard.
In between trials, Mohiussunnath began drawing pictures of terrorist attacks in prison. One of the pictures showed Mo opening fire at a cop while shouting, “Allahu Akbar”.
Mohiussunnath told the second jury that he was depressed and trying to commit suicide. And also that he was just joking about supporting ISIS.
After 19 hours of deliberations, the second jury unanimously found him not guilty. Maybe they were unsure what the unholy spawn of Ali G and Four Lions meant when he described the UK as an ally of Satan and wrote that it was “Halal” to kill cops.
Right after getting out of jail, he set up an Instagram account under the name Jihad Fisabilillah and began posting about the virtue of killing infidels and training with his sister for his next sword attack. He posted on Instagram that the cop who had stopped him last time was a “cuck”.
“I need to practise decapitation techniques and it’s not gonna be like you know what I mean you can’t do it in the garden,” he told her last year.
He boasted of deceiving the British justice system and said that it had been “the Queen versus him.”
Mohiussunnath got a job in a fast food chicken place and boasted of trying to recruit some of the kids who came there. “They come in the shop and I start radicalising them.”
He began cultivating friends at the mosque, and choosing among potential targets like Madame Tussauds, Piccadilly Circus, or the Remembrance Day ceremonies. While still practicing with swords, he began looking into getting a gun or carrying out an attack in a car.
”Strike their necks until when you have inflicted slaughter upon them and then secure their bonds’, meaning take them captive, yeah?” Mohiussunnath said, quoting the Koran’s murder instructions.
He told his new terror friends that just killing one British soldier would be, “instant paradise innit”.
When one of his new friends protested that he wouldn’t kill pregnant women, Mohiussunnath shut him down. “It’s halal because it is not sacred. if they’re not Muslim then they’re fair game.”
Then he claimed that all non-Muslims “above puberty” could be killed.
Once again, the cops, who were his new terror friends, busted him. They had him dead to rights talking to his sister and his new friends about killing people. But Mohiussunnath ran the same play again.
Mohiussunnath told the court that he was just bragging and didn’t actually want to kill anybody. “I wanted that validation, that acceptance. But I didn’t want to actually do anything,” he insisted.
That would have been more plausible if he hadn’t already tried to carry out one attack, and this time texted, “I’m doing another attack, bruv.”
It’s hard to misinterpret that one.
But the question is can the world’s dumbest terrorist get away with it a third time? While Mohiussunnath hasn’t made a particularly good terrorist, despite his careful memorization of all the Koranic quotes about killing infidels, he’s been able to successfully manipulate the British justice system.
What happens when the world’s dumbest terrorist comes up against the world’s dumbest justice system? Like the opposite of an immovable object coming up against an unstoppable force, the inept terrorist collides with juries who place sob stories above mere evidence, and judges who fear the specter of Islamophobia more than tourists being moved down outside Madame Tussauds.
While Mohiussunnath hasn’t managed to do more than inflict light injuries on two of London’s finest, he has managed to waste years and countless pounds of the criminal justice system’s time and energy.
Will he be able to go on doing it until he finally manages to carry out a successful terrorist attack?
The case of Mohiussunnath brings attention to a very real part of the War on Terror. Some Islamic terrorists cause havoc through acts of mass murder. Others are simply a drag on the system. The costs they inflict are equivalent to the tax payments of a thousand taxpayers. And they divert attention away from stopping other terrorists who are either more subtle or competent than they have proven to be.
But often the difference between the horrifying atrocity and the comical ineptitude of a Mohiussunnath are timing, luck, and random chance. The World Trade Center bombing’s U-Haul refund, and the visa applications of the 9/11 hijackers, are reminders that even the worst terrorist attacks had ingredients of the same comical ineptitude as Mohiussunnath, the Shoe Bomber, Underwear Bomber and other losers.
The price of freedom isn’t just eternal vigilance against clever enemies, but the slog of years that it takes to drag worthless wankers like Mohiussunnath through the system, throwing resources, manpower, and money at one single idiot terrorist from Luton. Considering the birth rates in Luton, that’s unsustainable.
The alternative is to abandon the illusion that terrorism is a criminal matter, that it has nothing to do with the Islamic religion, immigration, or any uncomfortable topics, and that it is entirely under control.
The truth is the exact opposite of all that nonsense.
Brexit is an opportunity for Britain to reexamine more than its relations with Europe. The terrorism problem is mostly a product of the immigration system of the last generation. The damage can be reversed with time, effort, and a willingness to toss Mohiussunnath, his sister, who was in on it, his parents, whose quarrelling apparently required police intervention, and the whole lot of them out.
Either that or wait until Mohiussunnath figures out how to be a better Islamic terrorist.
Between the two of them, it may be safest and saddest to bet on Mohiussunnath.