#MeTooOldies – The Victimization of Men by Women in Oldies Music

We’ve heard a lot over the last several months about male sexual aggression towards women. But the reverse can also be true. And I was listening to an oldies station earlier this week it suddenly dawned on me that during my youth there were a lot of songs with women as the aggressor/pursuer. Below are some examples of poor/helpless men (minding their own business of course) being victimized by worldly women. It’s a sad, sad tale (and sometimes BIZZARE too!). #MeTooOldies.

Spiders and Snakes” – Jim Stafford:

I remember when Mary Lou said you wanna walk me home from school well I said ‘Yes I do’.

She said I don’t have to go right home and I would kinda like to be alone some if you would, I said meeeee too!. And so we took a stroll wound up down by swimming hole and she said “Do want you wanna do”.

Oh my my my! Me thinks “Mary Lou” was just a slight bit “overzealous” shall we say. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she pursued him AGAIN weeks later:

Do you remember when and would you like to get together again. She said I’ll see you after school”.

I bet that boy had a difficult time making good grades that semester. Although he probably did well in biology. I’m talking about studying frogs of course (since he did present her one as a present!).

Chevy Van” – Sammy Johns:

I gave a girl a ride in my wagon. She crawled in and TOOK CONTROL.”

Like a princess she was laying there, moonlight dancing off her hair. She woke up and took my by the hand…she’s gonna love me in my Chevy Van…”

Poor guy. He was probably traumatized for life. On the plus side, I imagine car sales for Chevy wagons did real well after this song came out. #MeTooChevyVan

Midnight at the Oasis – Maria Muldaur:

Midnight at the oasis, send your camel to bed”

Good advice. The last thing you want ruining a romantic moment is a wandering camel.

Let’s slip off to a sand dune…real soon…and kick up a little dust…”

I have to ask: wouldn’t dust flying around work AGAINST the romantic goal of the singer? Just saying….

Cactus is our friend”


You won’t need no harem honey when I’m by your side”.

OK, that I think I understand. To tell you the truth this song is full of so many euphemisms I am still trying to figure them all out 40+ years later!

“Tell me something good” – Rufus and Chaka Khan

You ain’t got no kind of feeling inside

I got something that will sure ’nuff set your stuff on fire

Got no time is what you’re known to say

I’ll make you wish there was forty eight hours to each day

The problem is you ain’t been loved like you should

What I got to give will sure ’nuff do you good”

And then you have what sounds like several men hyperventilating. I can’t imagine why.

Captain and Tenille – “The way I want to touch you”, “You never done it like that”, “Do that to me one more time”

This duo had some of the most sexually suggestive lyrics but no one cared because they were MARRIED. It was kind of like Song of Solomon as a musical.

A woman in love” – Barbara Streisand:

I am a woman in love

And I do anything

To get you into my world

And hold you within

It’s a right I defend

Over and over again

Here we have a romantic kidnapping and hostage situation. Oh, and it’s a RIGHT. And this from Barbara Streisand no less! So much for love being soft as an easy chair.

You ain’t seen nothing yet” – Bachman Turner Overdrive (BTO):

Oooh, oooh she looked at me with big brown eyes

And said,

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet

B-b-b-baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

Here’s something that you never gonna forget

B-b-b-baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

And I’m sure he never did forget it neither. It was probably one of them American women that Burton Cummings tried to warn him about but Randy Bachman just didn’t listen!

Btw when this song first came out I thought the poor guy had a stuttering problem! Of course I had trouble talking (or even remembering my name) when I met Lynda Carter several years ago so I understand where he’s coming from.

Olivia Newton John – “Let me be there”, “You’re the one that I want”, “Physical”

Progressively we have:

Let me take you to that wonderland only two can share”

If you filled with affection you’re too shy to convey, meditate in my direction…feel your way”.

There’s nothing left to talk about. Unless it’s horizontally”.

Not much nuisance there. Even today I am amazed at the lyrics to “Physical” and wondering why Olivia Newton-John (or more likely her management) threw her image under the bus for that song. It wasn’t necessary. And the song wasn’t that good.

Blondie – “Call me”:

Call me (call me) on the line

Call me, call me any, anytime

Call me (call me) my love

You can call me any day or night

Call me

Definitely passive aggressive here. CALL ME, DARN IT!!

Color me your color, baby

Color me your car

Color me your color, darling

I know who you are

Come up off your color chart

I know where you’re comin’ from

What??? And what in the world is a “color chart”? Was Blondie listening to “Midnight at the Oasis” when she wrote that??

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he speaks the languages of love

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, amore, chiamami, chiamami

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, appelle-moi mon cherie, appelle-moi

Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any way

Anytime, anyplace,…

Or perhaps she was listening to the soundtrack of Mary Poppins…

Chim chiminey…

Chim chiminey…

Chim chim cher-ee!

But apparently the passive-aggressive approach didn’t work, forcing her to take further measures to get her man:

One way or another” – Blondie

One way or another, I’m gonna find ya’

I’m gonna get ya’, get ya’, get ya’, get ya’

One way or another, I’m gonna win ya’

I’m gonna get ya’, get ya’ ,get ya’, get ya’

One way or another, I’m gonna see ya’

I’m gonna meet ya’, meet ya’, meet ya’, meet ya’

One day maybe next week, I’m gonna meet ya’

I’m gonna meet ya’, I’ll meet ya’

I will drive past your house and if the lights are all down

I’ll see who’s around”

That’s actually kinda creepy. Then she follows him downtown (where all the lights are bright!) and to the supermarket – where she talks about buying RAT FOOD! And no, I am not making that up.

Oh, and Blondie also gave us rap music. Gee, thanks so much!

And last but not least – and so we end on a lighter note – we have the saga of Marilyn McCoo’s pursuit of Billy Davis Jr. for his hand in marriage:

Fifth Dimension – “Wedding Bell Blues”:

Bill I love you so

I always will

I look at you and see

the passion eyes of May

Oh but am I ever gonna see

my wedding day?

Oh I was on your side Bill

when you were losin’

I’d never scheme or lie Bill

There’s been no foolin’

but kisses and love won’t carry me

till you marry me Bill

The moral of this story: If you’re Billy Davis Jr. and you’re being pursued by Marilyn McCoo, JUST SURRENDER ALREADY! Maybe take a hot air balloon ride. Actually in real life he did and they’ve been married for over 40 years. So at least in THIS case it worked out well.

Next time we’ll explore oldies that would be politically incorrect today. Hint: there’s a LOT!

John Baldwin

John Baldwin is a native of Roanoke, Va located in the Blue Ridge Mountains of SW VA. He is a husband and father of three children. He has been a devout Christian since he surrendered his life to the Lord Jesus Christ and accepted the free gift of salvation in 1988. Politically John is a conservative who's political views were formed during the administration of Ronald Reagan. John's fulltime job is as an Applications Analyst (Software programming). John is also the host of two online radio shows on Victory Radio - "The Front Porch Gospel Music Show" and "Victory Talk Radio" (interview show). He is also an avid "oldies" music fan and is the DJ of the weekly "J-Bal Oldies Show” on the Doo Wop Cove.

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