A Message From Queen Hillary
For those of us who remember the Clinton years, we have understood for decades that Hillary – from the bottom of her heart – really, truly believes that the world would be a better place if only she were ruler of it. She is sincerely dismayed that We the (Little) People do not have the capacity to understand her great mind and turn to her for our every need as we serve her. Having grown up in Texas I have had the privilege of watching the Clintons in action from “next door” for even longer than most, so when I got this email from my mom, I just wished I had written it myself. The following statement, written by an unknown author, captures the essence of her life goal in a way that is educational for those not old enough to know, and hysterical for those of us who have known this for years. Now I give you a word from Queen Hillary:
As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilus. The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi–in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next seventeen months I… will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.
During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that we can all live happily ever after.