A Common Core Satire: “All Babies Should Walk By 6 Months”
Once in a while you need to laugh. In the high stress world of activism there just aren’t many opportunities but we are always looking because, well, we get tired of crying!
Common Core Warriors will find this blog post at Divine Spark Ignites especially funny. This has been floating around Facebook Common Core groups and it’s too satire-iffic not to share because it hits all the points of Common Core creation and implementation you can come up with.
Here were the new early babyhood Common Sports State Standards (CSSS):
- All children shall walk by 6 months old.
- All children shall run by 6.5 months old.
- All children shall do summersaults by 7 months old.
- All children shall do cartwheels by 7.5 months old.
It was ensured, by adhering to these rigorous standards, ALL babies would be on track for the Olympics and/or professional athleticism. No one questioned the age appropriate sports standards. No one questioned who wrote the standards… and those who did, in any way, were looked down upon. Many, at first, even believed these standards were appropriate, necessary, and the answer to preparing the babies for a solid future in professional athletics and quite possibly a turn in the Olympic Games.
In the beginning, very few realized the standards were written by the owners of handpicked professional teams and the high ranking employees of the favored brand name sports products… like… hmmmmm….Nike, Gatorade, 5 Hour Energy… these well intended people, of course, really desired to start our babies off on the right foot. (No pun intended).
Next, a nationwide curriculum, specifically designed for parent use, was written by the same people… contracts were drawn up, with undisclosed amounts of money to be paid to them. This curriculum was accessible to parents once they bought a tablet. This tablet was the only platform that could run the software. If they followed the steps perfectly, the parents were promised their children would accomplish these high and rigorous goals.