HORSESHOES, HAND GRENADES AND OBAMACARE by BurkaChick
As BurkaChick, a typical prattling progressive, I was thrilled to hear the April Fools Day announcement of the White House Obamacare enrollment numbers. “Ha Ha” or “Boom” to the conservative naysayer who said it couldn’t be done. How could any of you possibly doubt our stellar ability to count numbers that are only “close” to actual (as in only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades)? I think you may have forgotten our White House “Sebelius-Snooker Up The Sum” conversion of the numeric chart in your predictions. You probably have as well miscalculated the prefix of lying to the American public, dropping millions from their existing policies to force them onto ours, counting the millions who only put our healthcare plans in their shopping carts, etc., etc., etc. And last but not least, the final equation is tallied by using “Uh, I dunno” to answer any questioning of our end results.
But don’t be discouraged all you Doubting Thomas conservatives. Think of all the wonderful results you can have in your own life when you use our “Sebelius-Snooker Up The Sum” conversion chart of counting “close” as being accurate. You will always pick a winning lottery ticket, your weight will always be the number you want and you can tell your bank your mortgage payment is in your shopping cart.
When I think of all the almost or sorta kinda close occurrences in my life that could now count as actual, I am thrilled! I can proudly say, I am a winner of several beauty contests (watched it on TV), I married Jay Z (his fathead is on my wall) and the story of my life is now an MSNBC special (had an on-line romance with a man who said he was Ed Schultz at OkCupid.com).
Last, but not least, if there is any poo-pooing of your “almost” accomplishments, you can Saul Alinsky-ize your critics with an unfunny skit on “Saturday Night Live” or have Harry Reid inform them their input is too stupid. Or if worse comes to worse, you can try the Lois Lerner pre-prison theory of denying everything, then taking the fifth. You can even have as a backup the gay brigade “attack & whack” your critics from employment.
PS – And a special “boom” goes out to ex-CIA chief Morell for his stellar use of the White House continuing “Fudge the Facts Formula” on Benghazi.