Goodbye Climate Change—Hello “Darkness Creep”

We know that 97% of scientists agree that we are undergoing a “Climate Change,” but now an even more insidious event is taking place—“Darkness Creep!”  That is right!  97% of all scientists also admit that each and every day we are now losing one minute of daylight to darkness.  What is causing this theft of our precious daylight?  Consider that coal is black.  When you burn coal you get black smoke (gray smoke is only diluted black smoke).  We know that before modern technology, coal miners used to get “Black Lung Disease.”

How do we turn this tide of daylight destruction around?  Why ban coal, of course!

Thanks to the Obama Administration’s brave steps to curb the burning of coal, they have embarked on the desperately needed first steps towards the reversal of “Darkness Creep.”  Of course, we must all expect to do our part and give up things to which we have selfishly become accustomed.  Each and every one of us must participate in using less heat in the winter and less air-conditioning during the hot days of summer—and remember, we can no longer use incandescent light bulbs.  Sure it is an inconvenient truth that thousands of jobs will be lost, and the cost of electricity prices will go through the roof, but we must take the leadership role in the world to bring attention to this horrible “Darkness Creep” before it is too late.  Your government is also working with the United Nations to apply a nighttime tax on every business and citizen to help implement the reduction of coal-fired daylight destruction.  Of course it is only fair that third world countries will be exempt from the tax and will still be allowed to burn coal…

Okay America, suck it up for the good of planet.  We realize that some radicals will disagree with our assessment of the scientifically proven “Darkness Creep,” but they are just part of the “Flat Earth Society” and other fringe groups.  Just stay focused, and be sure to only watch or listen to CNN, PBS, MSNBC, NBC, ABC and CBS.  Only fools and idiots listen to or watch the bigoted and mean-spirited commie-phobic media.  Stop “Darkness Creep” before it’s too late!