What’s to Become of Jabbering Jay Smarmy? by BurkaChick

jaycarneyclearsitupforusAs BurkaChick, a proud progressive propagandist, I am deeply concerned about the future of our White House spokesperson, Jabbering Jay Smarmy. I have been in awe of his ability to escape and tap dance his way through all the current White House scandals (Houdini and Gene Kelly would be proud). But I worry what is to become of him if he goes the way of Robert “Glibb” or conservative 501(c) (4) s. Is he to fall into obscurity like his predecessors Joe Isuzu, Baghdad Bob and Tokyo Rose? Or is he to continue on with the scandals, perhaps feeling ashamed and with a paper bag over his head like Sylvester the cat’s son (“Oh Mthstir President, the shame, the disthgrace”)? I don’t think anyone realizes what astonishing abilities our Jay has and has taken his trollop talents for granted.

So what could the future hold for him? Could he be a game show host for a new show titled, “What’s My Lie”? Or enter an Eddie Haskell impersonation contest? Perhaps start a band singing a remake of the 50’s classic “The Great Pretender”? But I sense that would be a waste of his “lie”abilities. For as the name Carney suggests, I believe his ancestory.com search would reveal where his genuine talent begins. Unlike the circus barker who portrays a bit of sophistication with his skill, the carnival (“carney”) trade is more transient and has the sleazy reputation of “puttin’ one over on the folks” that our Jay has become accustomed to. So what would we see at a Carney-val? Perhaps some games like “Guess Your IRS” where folks have to guess which conservative organization will be targeted next? How about “Shoot the Benghazi Bull”, “Dunk the Bunk”, “Whack-the-Facts” or “Scandal Skeeball”? There would certainly be the Carney-val freak show starring the “The Incredible Shrinking Truth” and the “Liar Breathing Boy” with special appearances by the hideous “Two-Faced Eric Holder” and “Lois Lerner – The Freakish Fifth Taking Lady”. And, of course, the food would be a huge assortment of all the famous “con”- Carney’s.

Yes, I think our Jabbering Jay has many options after his White House stint. If nothing else, he could just continue on at what he does best. There will always be a demand for the oldest profession in the world.


BurkaChick grew up in the lovely town of Detroit, Michigan. She remembers a time when the city was booming because of the greedy capitalistic car companies. But now is thrilled the city has finally come into it's democratic own. BurkaChick says, 'Who needs a home or a job in this liberal paradise? All you need is one good bullet proof vest to live in this union-filled utopia!' BurkaChick's idol in her early teens was the President of the United States, Jimmy Carter. She admired his fortitude in all things liberal, but was highly disappointed when Reagan came in and rescued the hostages in Iran after only 444 days in captivity. "What a show-off!" she was quoted as saying. She wanted to campaign for Jimmy's reelection, but there was no gasoline to get to his headquarters. Which was a real bummer since she was living in her car since the mortgage interest rate was at 22%. BurkaChick then went on to, well, she doesn't really remember much since she was wasted through most of the eighties and nineties. Today she is an avid fan of Obama's. She cannot wait till George Clooney remakes a film about the life of Michelle Obama in the Whitehouse called, "The King and I." She is a hugh fan of The View, Susan Sarandon, MSNBC, all things uber liberal and of course Occupy Wall Street. BurkaChick loves what Occupy stands for and has volunteered to help decorate their rape tents and paint all porta-potties to resemble police vehicles.

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