“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride.
President Obama, days before his election, promised to “fundamentally transform America”. He has arguably achieved that lofty goal by making America less safe, less prosperous and less free. He has also taken it upon himself to fundamentally change the English language.
Following is a handy guide to common English terms and what Obama means when he says them.
| DICTIONARY.COM |
ACCORDING TO OBAMA
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| BIPARTISANSHIP
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Adjective. Representing, characterized by, or including members from two parties or factions.
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If you disagree with me regarding a policy, I may deign to meet with you and call you by your first name, even if you’ve been a senior senator from Arizona for longer than I’ve been alive, or if you fully understand the fiscal impact of that which I am proposing, unlike me.
I will neither change my mind nor compromise. I probably won’t even listen.
Your next call may be from the DOJ, the IRS, the EPA, the FBI, the BATF (Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms), and / or OSHA. Audits and harassment will continue until you agree with me, thereby achieving bipartisanship.
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| LEADERSHIP | Noun. The position or function of a leader, a person who guides or directs a group. | As leader of the most powerful nation in the world, I will empower my administration to handle … well, they will handle everything. They will decide which citizens Federal agencies will audit and scrutinize. They will decide which Americans under terrorist attack will receive support and help while I get much needed sleep prior to a fundraiser.
Members of my administration will decide which reporters will be surveilled, which phone line records will be subpoenaed and whose emails will be scrutinized.
If, by chance, I happen to turn on talk radio and become educated about what the people in my administration are doing, I will either 1) feign outrage 2) promote those in my employ for showing initiative 3) all of the above.
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| THE RICH | Noun. Those having wealth or great possessions; abundantly supplied with resources, means or funds; wealthy. | When used in context of who is not paying their fair share of taxes, who SHOULD pay more taxes, who WILL pay more taxes, “the rich” is now defined as: YOU. |
| INVESTMENT | Noun. The investing of money or capital in order to gain profitable returns, as in interest, income, or appreciation in value. | Money taken from you at point of gun, in ever increasing amounts, to give and spend where I see fit. Includes: schools where you don’t want to send your children, alternative energy companies focused on failed technologies and trains that will take you from where you aren’t to where you don’t want to go. |
| HATE | Verb. To dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest.
If you disagree with: |
Anytime you disagree with me, that is an act of “hate”. Those who disagree with me are “haters”. See below to know exactly who you hate by having a principle which disagrees with mine.
You hate: |
| Same sex marriage | ALL gay people | |
| Onerous taxation | ALL poor people | |
| Sweeping amnesty of illegal immigrants | ALL people not born in the US | |
| Merit pay for teachers | ALL children | |
| School vouchers | ALL children | |
| Avoiding calling a terrorist attack a “terrorist attack” | ALL Muslims | |
| Having anti-American Muslims in the Army | ALL Muslims | |
| Federal “investments” in green technology | The environment | |
| Anthropological global warming | The environment | |
| Anything Obama says | ALL black people | |
| DIVERSITY | Noun. The state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness. | Diversity is a worthy goal only in matters of race and religion. And in the case of religion, only those who practice Islam.
Efforts are to be made to make sure that people of color and Muslims are represented, up to and including lowering standards, tolerating anti-American statements and redefining terrorist attacks as either 1) understandable demonstrations to offensive videos or 2) workplace violence.
Those who differ with my opinion are haters (see “hate” as defined above) and are to be marginalized, demonized and not taken seriously. |
| TOLERANCE | Noun. A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practice that differ from one’s own.
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If you are a Christian, tolerance is encouraged, nay demanded, of all Muslims. Any offensive Islamic practices, such as honor killings and clitoridectomies, are to judged under the principle of religious freedom.
In the name of tolerance, and in the spirit of not offending those who are not Christians, Christians will be expected to celebrate same sex marriage, (See “hate” above). Public displays of Christianity will not be tolerated.
If you are a Muslim, no tolerance of anyone with differing opinions or religious practices is required. Any condemnation by Muslims of Christianity is to be supported under the principle of free speech. |
| RESPONSIBILITY | Noun. The state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management. | This word has no meaning. |
