Vegan” Earth Day Cake – A Tribute to Sandra Lee

Holidays remind me of food, and made-up holidays remind me of Sandra Lee’s classic Kwanzaa Cake, which inspired parodies throughout YouTube. So when I thought of Earth Day food, I thought of Sandra Lee. Apparently, she hasn’t made an Earth Day Cake yet, so I created one in her honor. From one Sandra to another – enjoy.

1. Start with a purchased angel food cake, because those boxed mixes are too much work. (What do you mean eggs aren’t vegan?)
2. Take a can of chocolate frosting and mix with two tablespoons ground Fair Trade coffee. Frost cake to simulate the rich soil of Mother Earth.
3. Fill the center hole with canned blueberry pie filling and top with cheddar goldfish crackers to represent the sea. (Cheese isn’t vegan either? What’s wrong with those people?)
4. Clip sprigs of rosemary and stand them up along the top portion of the cake to make a little forest. Sprinkle sage on the ground to give it a natural, mossy look. Don’t forget the corn nuts. They make great acorns, even if they are 1/3 the size of the trees and come from oaks and not pines. We can get a little creative here.
5. What’s Earth Day, or Hanukkah for that matter, without marshmallows? Kosher, vegan, good taste — who really gives a hoot? Line the edge of the cake with mini marshmallow stones.
6. What this beautiful scene needs is a path running through the forest. We can make this easily with strips of beef jerky. (What do you mean beef jerky isn’t vegan? Have you ever seen an animal that looks like beef jerky? I don’t think so.)
7. Take a bag of candy left from Halloween — the kind that has pumpkins, the maple wheat sheaves, and the banana-flavored ears of corn. Decorate the forest floor with these, because pumpkins, wheat, and corn are natural products of the good earth. Add a few chocolate bats if you have any, because bats are a part of nature and eat mosquitos.
8. Don’t forget to add candles to the cake. All cakes need candles. Make sure to use candles that re-light to symbolize our unending, burning passion for Mother Earth … and forest fires.

And there you have it–our original “Vegan” Earth Day Cake.

Some awesome friends of mine generously volunteered ideas for the tablescape and cocktail.

1. Tablescape: moss plate chargers and gray plastic plates to simulate rocks. Natural fur napkins and green plasticware add that special Earth Day touch.
2. Cocktail: In a large wooden tub made of virgin Mahogany (to represent the plight of the rainforests) – mix 1 oz. of liquor from every country on the planet. For example, sake from Japan, Scotch from Scotland, Guinness from Ireland (better make that 12 oz.), absinthe from France, ouzo from Greece, Jägermeister from Germany, tequila from Mexico, mastika from Mediterranean countries, whisky from Canada, vodka from Russia, Amarula from Africa. (Yeah. I know Africa isn’t a country, but marshmallows aren’t Kosher, either. Work with me here!) Mix well with green Kool-Aid and drink liberally. You are going to need it.
3. Just remember, folks. Earth Day is a day we honor and respect life on Planet Earth. Don’t go killing your girlfriend or boyfriend, but if you do, don’t forget to compost.
4. If you haven’t watched Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa Cake or Hanukkah Cake episodes, you should. Classic. Remember – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Sort of. Happy Earth Day!