Move Over “Harlem Shake”, Here Comes the “Gimme Shimmy”!

Screen Shot 2013-03-08 at 9.31.40 AMBy BurkaChick

As a leftist, lofty, lapdog liberal I have found myself in a progressive ponder pertaining to holidays. We are on a “PC” warpath to eliminate traditional holidays, but have of yet to determine what to replace them with. (Kwanzaa wasn’t the big hit we thought it would be…) Having to keep to a stance of not offending anyone, anyhow, anyway, anytime, anything or anywhohaw leaves us to contemplating WTH can we celebrate? What is the one solid accomplishment that we liberals can call our own that is now popular in the country?  A day to celebrate that will please the White House, phlegmatic progressives and the god of Google?

C’mon, I bet your thinking the same,… stuff!  Thanks to the high unemployment rate and nonexistent job growth, entitlements (and the ever so frequent fraud) have reached a fever pitch. If anyone had any purpose in life, the government is quick to resolve the issue with dependence. Thanks to a worshipping socialist agenda, we can be anything we want to as long as we embrace the idea of not doing for ourselves. Being successful is the new Godzilla that we scream and run away from.

But what do we call this celebration of dependence and the new uninformed republic? What do we call the day of worshipping “free stuff” to ridicule those in our society who sincerely may need a helping hand? What do spoiled children cry when they see others with stuff they want? I searched for the Left word that would perfectly describe the elation liberals feel turning free citizens into woeful whiners who want to steal what they will not earn: “GIMME!” (or “Government Increase My Money Entitlements”).

But now the question remains. How do we celebrate our newly named every holiday “GIMME” day? Do we put up a tree? Nope, too offensive to the White House Green machines. Give out presents? Nope, we already get free stuff. Have fireworks? Nope, might pollute our liberal air. Then it hit me. What is a popular craze that celebrates having absolutely nothing better to do with free time? A dance! Of course, the “GIMME SHIMMY”!

So as BurkaChick, a typical sanctimonious socialist, I introduce the “GIMME SHIMMY”–a narcissistic, nanny-state, nefarious, number that is now already all the rage! To learn it, all you have to do is sit on your whiney heiny and unpatriotically steal from future generations. Or, for those of you who are more dance movement oriented, I’ve included a White House dance video.


BurkaChick grew up in the lovely town of Detroit, Michigan. She remembers a time when the city was booming because of the greedy capitalistic car companies. But now is thrilled the city has finally come into it's democratic own. BurkaChick says, 'Who needs a home or a job in this liberal paradise? All you need is one good bullet proof vest to live in this union-filled utopia!' BurkaChick's idol in her early teens was the President of the United States, Jimmy Carter. She admired his fortitude in all things liberal, but was highly disappointed when Reagan came in and rescued the hostages in Iran after only 444 days in captivity. "What a show-off!" she was quoted as saying. She wanted to campaign for Jimmy's reelection, but there was no gasoline to get to his headquarters. Which was a real bummer since she was living in her car since the mortgage interest rate was at 22%. BurkaChick then went on to, well, she doesn't really remember much since she was wasted through most of the eighties and nineties. Today she is an avid fan of Obama's. She cannot wait till George Clooney remakes a film about the life of Michelle Obama in the Whitehouse called, "The King and I." She is a hugh fan of The View, Susan Sarandon, MSNBC, all things uber liberal and of course Occupy Wall Street. BurkaChick loves what Occupy stands for and has volunteered to help decorate their rape tents and paint all porta-potties to resemble police vehicles.

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