BurkaChick: Campaigning To Replace Behar on The View

JoyBeharcrownHi! This is my first official article as “Burkachick”! I’m so excited!! I hope all of you ladies are having fun putting together your own personal burka’s! By the way, I hope some of you men are embracing the idea as well. I had a fabulous idea of having some of our more progressive men like Al Gore and Chris Matthews covered head to toe in a burka. And not just to set an example, but for practical reasons the Whitehouse and Michelle O. would approve of. Perhaps the high temperatures of global warming will act like a sauna under their burka’s and help the boys to shed a few!

Now to the latest. I know you all are in a tizzy about the conservatives going on SEAPACK. Big deal, there is more important news going on in the world than some rightwingers taking a cruise. As of late, there has been some really devastating news I have to discuss with you. No, not the heartbreak of NOT having Chavez’s body on permanent display or the global catastrophe of Super Big Gulps.

I am quivering as I write this with tears streaming down my face:  Our beloved leader, Joy Behar, is leaving “The View”!!! I was thrilled at first to hear that Elizabeth “Hassle Your Back” was being kicked out because of the polling of their entire viewership (yep, that was me!). But alas, Babs announced that was just a rumor. It was confirmed, however, that Joy was definitely going on to another phase in her life at “Current Terror TV”. How are we liberals to know what’s happening in the world without her? Thank God we still have “Entertainment Tonight”.

But as I languish in anguish, a thought had occurred. Who will replace her? Perhaps Eva Longoria, who represents our downtrodden and oppressed in society (if she can get away from making the big bucks playing a starlet in potato chip commercials) or the DJ from our president’s favored news outlet during his campaign, “Pimp with a Limp” (what a progressive choice during the “war on women”)? Alas, no one could replace the way Joy looks or her liberal viewpoints (other than Ed Schultz).

No, the answer is obvious……ME!! I know I can copy Joy’s style. I’ve watched her for years. When it comes to any opinion other than my progressive one, I can storm out or call someone a bitch or name-call with petty personal attacks. Also, I’m really creative in my delivery of yelling out “Racist” (since it is sooooo overdone)!

So, I am on a mission to replace her. But I need your help. I want to make a demo reel and I need some input from you ladies. What should I say or whom should I invite to interview to impress the liberal, progressive community? Any suggestions would be of great help, keeping in mind Stalin has been long dead.

P.S. – FYI ladies, I am BFF with some of the most feminine progressive leaders in D.C. like Hillary, Nancy P and Harry Reid!




BurkaChick grew up in the lovely town of Detroit, Michigan. She remembers a time when the city was booming because of the greedy capitalistic car companies. But now is thrilled the city has finally come into it's democratic own. BurkaChick says, 'Who needs a home or a job in this liberal paradise? All you need is one good bullet proof vest to live in this union-filled utopia!' BurkaChick's idol in her early teens was the President of the United States, Jimmy Carter. She admired his fortitude in all things liberal, but was highly disappointed when Reagan came in and rescued the hostages in Iran after only 444 days in captivity. "What a show-off!" she was quoted as saying. She wanted to campaign for Jimmy's reelection, but there was no gasoline to get to his headquarters. Which was a real bummer since she was living in her car since the mortgage interest rate was at 22%. BurkaChick then went on to, well, she doesn't really remember much since she was wasted through most of the eighties and nineties. Today she is an avid fan of Obama's. She cannot wait till George Clooney remakes a film about the life of Michelle Obama in the Whitehouse called, "The King and I." She is a hugh fan of The View, Susan Sarandon, MSNBC, all things uber liberal and of course Occupy Wall Street. BurkaChick loves what Occupy stands for and has volunteered to help decorate their rape tents and paint all porta-potties to resemble police vehicles.

Related Articles

Back to top button

Please disable ad blocker.

We work hard to write our articles and provide you with the content you enjoy. The ads on the site allow us to continue our work while feeding our families. If you'd please whitelist our site in your ad blocker or remove your ad blocker altogether, we'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you!