How The Grinch(es) Stole America’s Wallet (Inspired by Dr. Suess)
Down in America’s Who-ville towns
Sure liked their FREE MARKET system a lot….
But the Grinches of Marxism, Socialism, Fascism, Communism, and Crony Capitalism Certainly did NOT!
Many Grinches in Washington also hated the Free Market! The entire Capitalist System!
Now, Please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that their heads weren’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps that Nancy Pelosi’s face was very much too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been because they felt their own bank accounts were much too small.
Whatever the reason
Their hearts or their shoes,
They all stomped on Capitalism, hating all the Constitution-loving Whos,
Staring down from the Capitol with their sour, arrogant frowns
At the warm lighted windows of all the American Who-ville towns,
For they knew every Who in every American Who-ville city
Was busy now, engaging in their Free Market system.
“And we must tax the rich!” the Grinches all snarled with sneers.
“Capitalism will soon be gone! Its end is very near!”
Then all the grinches growled, with their fingers on the FED’s Printing Press
“We MUST find a way to keep stuffing our own wallets!”
For, tomorrow, they knew…
…All the American Who girls and boys
Would wake up with their very bright futures. And they’d be FREE!
They’d be FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!
All the Who children would start their lemonade stands and sell their Girl Scout cookies.
Which was something that the bureaucrat Grinches couldn’t stand in the least!
They’d do something they liked least of all
Every American Who in every American Who-ville town, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, to listen to Lady Liberty ringing.
Then, they’d go to the shopping malls. And the Whos would spend their own money!
They’d spend! And they’d Spend!
And they’d SPEND! SPEND! SPEND!
And the more the Grinches thought of the Whos Free Market Spending
The more these control freaks thought, “We must stop this whole thing!”
“For well over 200 years we’ve put up with it now!
We MUST stop Capitalism altogether!
Then all the Grinches got an idea!
An awful idea!
These power-hungry Grinches
Got a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“We know what to do!” they laughed in their throats.
And they made a quick Santy Claus hat and a red Commie coat.
And they chuckled and clucked. “What a sneaky Marxist trick!”
“With all the FREE phones and FREE birth control, we’ll look like Saint Nick!”
“All we need now is a “crisis” to exploit…”
The Grinches all looked around.
But since “crises” can be scarce, there were none to be found.
But did that stop these Grinches?
No! They simply said,
“If we can’t find a “crisis,” we’ll create one instead!”
So, they spent all the Whos money and called it the “Fiscal Cliff”.
The Grinches loaded their own bank accounts
And stuffed their own wallets
As they eagerly pointed their fingers at “whatcha ma call it”.
Oh yes, the Grinches yelled, “It’s all Bush’s fault!”
As their obscene burdensome taxes soon trickled down
Toward the homes of the Middle Class and poor Whos
Who Lay a-snooze in their tiny Who-ville towns.
Their windows were dark, and only a few drones filled the air
The Whos were all asleep dreaming without a single care.
“First stop is the millionaires and billionaires!” the Grinches hissed.
And they drained all the bank accounts and 401 k’s of the “the rich”.
Then they hit the Middle Class with their Health Care Law and EPA mandates.
If Santa can sneak into their homes, then so could these Washington bureaucrats.
“Gotta get what I can before my $4 million Hawaiian vacation!” One Grinch said.
As his wife pointed her finger at the chubby Who and squealed, “No more bread!”
The grinches all slithered in slunk into the homes of their constituents.
There, they taxed and regulated them all into oblivion.
Firearms! 401 k’s! Light bulbs! And Gas-guzzling cars!
Sugary drinks! Fried foods! Health savings accounts! And family farms!
They stuffed all the goodies into their bags. They did so all nimbly.
Then they looked into the refrigerators and regulated everything in them.
With the help of the FED, they skyrocketed the price of milk, eggs, and bacon.
They wiped out all salt in cupboards with their silly salt bans.
Why, those Grinches tried to outlaw all foods in a can!
Then they taxed and regulated the Whos coal, fuel, and electricity.
They claimed they did it all for the sake of “going green.”
And the Grinches grabbed all the Whos money and stuffed their own stockings
When they suddenly heard the sound of some serious rumblings.
They turned around fast, and saw a small group of Whos
An army of Whos, who when it came to their God-given rights, knew a thing or two.
The greedy Grinches had been caught by a small group of wise old Whos.
Who’d noticed these grinches weren’t working for them, but a boob(themselves)
They stared at these grinches and asked “Why are you stealing?”
“Why are you robbing our children’s futures and spending them into oblivion?”
But, you know, these shady Grinches thought they were so smart and so slick.
They thought of some more lies, and thought of them quick!
“Why, my fellow Whos,” these phonies lied,
“There’s a crisis that needs our solution,” These crafty Grinches cried.
“So we’re taking it to D.C. so we can fix it, my dears.”
“We’ll fix it up there. Then, we’ll dump the solution on you back here.”
The Grinches fibbed and fooled a few of the Whos as they stuffed their own purses.
As they threw the contraception at them and cried: “Enjoy your cakes in circuses!”
Some Whos went back to bed, kissed their Grinchy posters, and sang Grinchy chants.
Meanwhile, the Grinches were all stealing their wallets right out of their pants!
The very last thing the Grinches took from the Whos
Was their incentive to work, the incentive to move
Then the Grinches all went back to D.C. like a bunch of liars.
Leaving nothing behind but their cheesy campaign flyers.
And the one speck of food
They left in one little house
Was taxed and regulated by a government mouse.
They did the same thing to all the other Whos houses
Much too small,
Only to be taxed by thousands of new IRS louses.
Heading into 2013 and down the “fiscal cliff”
Many of the Whos, were still sound asleep and complacent
Many of the Whos, were much too dependent on handouts and entitlements
Meanwhile, the Grinches packed up their suitcases and headed on luxury vacations.
The golfing! The sunbathing! How their private jets expended those carbon emissions!
The Grinches all feasted in their million dollar mansions.
Sipping champagne with Jay Z while Beyonce’ sang and did her sexy dances.
“Poo-poo to the Tea Pary Whos!” The grinches were all humming.
“They’re finding out that their Capitalist System is now coming to an end!”
“They’re just waking up and finding out they no longer have any money to spend!”
“Their mouths will hang open for a moment or two.”
“All those Capitalist Whos down in their silly Who-ville towns will being crying BOO-HOO!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned all the Grinches
“That we simply must hear!”
So they paused. And those Grinches put a hand to their ears.
And they did hear a sound rising over the Washington Beltway.
It started low and started to grow as it headed their way.
But, the sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS merry! Very!
They stared down at all those Who-ville towns across America.
All the Grinches strained their eyes!
Then they shook!
What they saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who in every Who-ville town, the tall and the small,
Was cheering and singing! Without any possessions at all!
The Grinches hadn’t been able to bring their good old Who Spirit to an end.
It was indeed, still a tiny spark within them.
After all the plundering, their Who Spirits remained just the same!
And the Grinches with their cold feet in Washington
Stood puzzled: “How could it be so?” They asked each other.
“It came after we wiped out their bank accounts, 401 k’s, and all their stores!”
And they speculated for hours until their pea-sized brains were sore.
You see, many began to think of something they hadn’t thought of before!
Perhaps, the Free Market System is NOT about greed like they thought before.”
“Maybe America…perhaps…means a little more?!”
And what happened then…?
Well, in the American Who-ville towns they say
That all the self-serving Grinches were booted out of office that very day.
As many of the Whos began to awaken from their slumbering sleep.
They began to take ownership over their own lives, oh yes indeed.
Finally the Whos stopped looking to those greedy Grinches for all the answers.
Instead, they learned how to put their trust in their own loving Creator.
Then, the Founding principles and the Free Markets of Who-ville were restored
And passed down from generation to generation.
Those greedy Grinches never got close to stealing the America’s pocketbook again.