Southern Code Words

True ladies in the south are raised by their Mamas to never call each other names.  They would never intentionally hurt someone’s feelings. They would never insult your upbringing, lack of manners, or stupidity to your face, much less behind your back.
Good southern women would never tell you that you are the “tackiest thing that ever walked the earth” when you wear white shoes after Labor Day or before Memorial Day.

Your table manners may be atrocious (not knowing the correct silverware to use, no napkin in your lap, chewing with your mouth open) but we’re not going to tell you this.  Instead, we will try to teach you through example.

The casserole you made out of God-knows-what that you brought to potluck and no one ate?  We’re not going to tell you that the recipe you used needs to be set on fire or ask you to consider never entering a kitchen again. That horrid dress you had on that was way too short? We will tell you it’s precious.

And men, there is a certain age that you just have to accept the fact that you are bald and stop with the comb-overs.  But we would never hurt your feelings by telling you this.

You may be going bankrupt, your children may have fried their brains with meth, you may have embezzled, or got caught in an adulterous affair…

We know, you know, and we know that you know that we know it.

So how do we tell you what we really think without directly insulting you?  I am going to let you in on a little -known secret (or, not so secret if you were fortunate enough to be born in a southern state):  There are code words that all unsuspecting visitors should be aware of and the reasons for their use.

For every faux pas, someone is going to say:  “Bless your heart” or “Bless their heart”.

Let me assure you that if you hear these words, it is NOT a compliment. It is code that means you are a crazy, stupid idiot with no upbringing who should know better.

For example:

Never would I call Joy Behar a stupid, foul-mouthed excuse for a woman who had the audacity to Tweet, “Maybe Obama would rather talk to me than Netanyahu-ever consider that?”

Bless her heart…

Never would I call Susan Rice a liar for trying to “mislead” the American people for three weeks about what instigated the Libyan attacks on our embassy.

Bless her heart…

Never would I call Secretary of State Hilary Clinton an instigating, pandering, extreme Muslim-lover. (Not to mention her really bad fashion sense. Can anyone say “find a new stylist”? That ponytail is just not working for her.)

Bless her heart…

And let’s not forget Michelle Obama. Never would I accuse her of being a hypocrite with her designer dresses or her fabulous vacations paid for by…us. Never would I say that she is a race-baiting, socialist progressive liberal filled with determination  (along with her “eye-candy” husband) to destroy America, as we know it. (Not to mention starving school children with her asinine school lunch program)

Bless her heart…

Oh, did I mention those other code words known and spoken by good southern Christian women for generations who would never stoop to gossip?

“I’ll put you on my prayer list.”